Assignment #7: Get your verb on
March 24, 2008
gracieb07
Claim: The affiliate here in Birmingham asked us to be on call to engage in a nonviolent direct action program if such were deemed necessary. We readily consented and when the hour came we lived up to our promise. Instead of readily he could have used eagerly.Instead of necessary he could have used essential. Agreement: I cannot sit idly by in Atlanta and not be concerned about what happens in Birmingham. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.Instead of idly he could have used absentmindedly.Instead of concerned he could have used disturbed. Disagreement: I have tried to make clear that it is wrong to use immoral means to attain moral ends. But now I must affirm that it is just as wrong, or perhaps even more so, to use moral means to preserve immoral ends. Instead of affirm he could have used insist.Instead of attain he could have used achieve. Recommendation: We will reach the goal of freedom in Birmingham and all over the nation because the goal of America is freedom. Abused and scorned though we may be our destiny is tied up with America’s destiny. Instead of reach he could have used achieve.Instead of abused he could have used battered.Paragraph: Over 30 percent of college students leave after their first year and almost 50 percent never graduate. When a student ends up at a school they don’t like, they’re ten times more likely to drop out. There are two main reasons people drop out of college. The first is money. They are unable to pay for college and they don’t want to go into debt with student loans. Another reason is too much freedom. Students party too much which results in them not completing their school work and then flunking out. I completely agree with this. I have seen firsthand the devastating effects college freedom has on a person. It causes confusion and indecisiveness in a person’s life. They have a difficult time going back and completing their college education once they drop out.
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1.
morganbeth44 | March 25, 2008 at 3:23 am
Just a suggestion firstly: if possible try to separate your thoughts with spaces or bold font to make it more readable.
I agree with the statements you make in your paragraph concerning college students and the reason they drop out, but I wonder if your statistics and claims have actual statistical and researched based evidence? I was also a little confused as to what your argument is going to be for your essay; it seems from the start that you currently have you could take several different stances, I’m interested to see which way you choose to go with your essay:-)
Morgan
2.
crandella802 | March 25, 2008 at 6:48 pm
I agree with Morgan, try to space out your responses. It will make it much easier to read.
I liked how you backed up you topic with statistics, however try to mention where they cam from. This will make your evidence more believable and logical for the reader.
Also I think you should share your experiences with someone dropping out of school. Was it one of the examples that you gave in the above paragraph?
3.
cutticap | March 25, 2008 at 8:28 pm
I agree with both of them as well. Space out everything, it was very hard to read.
It strengthened your argument immensely to have your statistics be factual. However you should mention where they came from to make them credible. Do you have any personal experience with dropping out, friends, relatives, etc? Also, maybe later on in the paper you could talk about the effects dropping out has on the people around that person (parents, friends, bosses, etc.).
4.
carawhalen | March 26, 2008 at 8:50 pm
I thought that you made a couple great points in your paragraph regarding your two main points; money and excessive freedom. However, i found it to be a bit confusing when you transitioned to “causes confusion and indecisiveness in a person’s life.” I think that, even though this was only an exercise, it could be expanded a bit more to show exactly what you mean by this. Also it seems that you are arguing that most college students experience this, but is this really true? I thought that your topic was great, and that you can target a lot of attention.
5.
ksmebaby55 | March 26, 2008 at 11:49 pm
I thought you did a great job. I like the argument because i agree when you were talking about college students..